And MY Girls

This has been a great year for all of my wonderful girls. Miss Cheyanne growing more beautiful and responsible every day. She continues to get good grades and flurish in her social life. She is in 8th grade and played volleyball in the fall. Now she spends her time helping mom and hanging out with friends. Her intersts are every changing as a they should being an amazing creative teenager.
She loves photography, music, fashion, and being pretty. She is also the best big sister to her little sisters.
Miss Ellie boy is she a character. That little girl has the biggest heart ever.
She is so wonderful and kind. She is in kindergarten this year and has already had her first crush. She spends every day writing notes and letters to all of us that she loves.
That brings me to my wonderful energetic amazing daughter Madeline, otherwise known as Linnie. She is a cuddly little monkey who never stops unless she is giving a big hug and a kiss to whomever she comes across. Her and her amazing spirit light up the room and the world is her stage. She has come to realize when she is not drawing on everything in the house she is dancing with the wii. Perfect strangers come to our home and she has them dancing.

Quentin the Wonderful

So my oldest son has had an amazing year. He will be 17 in a little more than a month. This past summer he grew an amazing 5 inches and gained 40lbs. He is no longer my baby boy he is a awesome young man.
In June of last year he attempted to get his license only to realize he had not practiced enough, but after spending the summer driving me all over the country he was able to pass in October. His summer also brought about a romance that had been in the works quit some time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so after spending almost the entire summer away from his good friend Rachel the two started dating in August.

Fall brought about some exciting times for my pride, Quentin decided to play football as a junior. Tears filled my eyes every time I heard them announce his name. He did a fabulous job.

We had a pretty big scare with him that shook my core. At the end of September I took him to see an OP to look at what we thought was a shoulder injury. The Dr. ran some urine tests and found blood in his urine, at a follow up a month later again they found blood in his urine. We then followed up with his pediatrician, who sent him for a multitude of tests including an ultrasound of his renal area. The ultrasound came back with images of his spleen being enlarged and near his kidneys.It was the day before Thanksgiving that our pediatrician gave me the scary news, Quentin may have cancer. I was floored, I kept my cool the best I could at the time I was in the hospital monitoring baby Hope's progress. It was difficult to grasp but this all meant further testing at an already difficult time for our family. We were able to get up to the children's hospital and have MRI and many other tests and a consult with a pediatric oncologist. I would like to say that we are so very fortunate to have the most amazing group of doctors ever. They got us the results back in record time and cleared Quentin of everything. They do want to continue monitoring him but for now they believe this all could have been caused by a virus. Thank the lord, he continues to bless me every day.


So during all this crazy stuff Mr. Man thought he could slack off on his school work but is now doing better since "he's not dieing" :). Then in January he got his first car, a cute little pickup. After learning the hard way the cops don't mess around and they will fine you he had to get a job. He loves it, he loves working, he is all but totally grown up and I am the proudest mommy in the world.

Hope Trinity Cruz Scott has arrived and the roller coaster ride of emotions continues

So according to plan we delivered Hope on December 16Th. Hope was born at 7pm, weighing in at a whopping 7lbs 1oz and 18.5in. She is beautiful, looked exactly like Ellie, perfect. She is such a miracle a little angel straight from heaven. Love at first sight, not that we did not already love the little bug.



So the little rolly-poly was super strong right out a the shoot. Hope was able to lift her head and push herself off my chest right away. Nursing like a pro, she had such a strong suck she was able to get my milk in within 24 hours. I had my first scare when the doctors wanted to keep her for observation for a few extra days due to high pressures in her lungs. I thought she had a new condition that I had not prepared myself for, turns out it was what was to be expected just not explained to me very well, or should I say the same way it originally had been explained. Hope was a trooper though she was putting weight back on by day two.




We had some amazing nurses at Sacred Heart at Riverbend, mom and baby unit. Love you guys. We were able to be home before Christmas, best Christmas present for our entire family.




Our first few days home seamed to be going well, we were eating non stop and sleeping good. We had our first appointment with the cardiologist at a week and a half old. The cardiologist gave us some great news, they told us that she had every defect possible, but they were are very small and that instead of planning a surgery before 4 months old, it would not be until she was between 2 and 4 years old. Wow, how amazing is that best news yet.


It was not until about day 4 I realized Miss Hope was not her normally strong self so I decided to start pumping and feeding her with a bottle to see how much she was getting. In the mean time we had a few weight checks and her weight seamed to drop a bit, down to 6lb 10oz, then a week later to 6lb 9oz, so on January 8Th we had to take her up to be admitted to Doernbecker children's hospital. I was so frighted, fear that my poor baby would have to go through uncomfortable testing, and possibly being put on a feeding tube.

We arrived at the hospital in the early evening my dear friend Amber took miss Hope and I up so daddy could stay home with our young ladies. I am so grateful for Amber and her calmness and reassuring way that helped to set me at ease as to what I would expect.

Soon after arriving the wonderful nursing staff and fabulous doctors (the entourage) were quick to reassure me that they were going to do everything necessary and figure it out. They too quickly set me at ease by letting me know that for the most part they would just observe her and maybe tweak her feedings to help manage her nutrition. My fear quickly changed to relief and we were able to get an ounce and a half on her the first night. Simple changes like adding a different fortifier to her breast milk and a little thickener to help slow down the flow and we were on the right path. By day two she had put on 3 oz., one more day for observation and she was given the OK to head home. Just in time for a visit from Gran pa.

When we got home we went to our next weight check and it was the first time anyone could hear her heart defect. Her doctor finally could hear it, we thought that was a good sign that the pressure in her lungs had gone away. I was so excited.

At five weeks we had our second cardiology appointment, this time we had mixed reviews. Her doctor informed me that the pulmonary hypertension was not gone and that if it did not go away soon it could cause damage to both her lungs and her heart. Our hopes and prayers are that the pressure goes away asap, at least before four months of age, if it doesn't they will probably have to give her an open heart surgery to correct defects before she is six months old. The good news was if it does go away then we might never have to have a surgery. Her defects are so small that she may be just fine. The only defect they will watch is one of the valves has a cleft in it, if the cleft begins to allow blood to leak through it we would then have the surgery, but if not she may never need one.

Hope is now 6 weeks old, she is 7lbs 11.5oz and 20in long. She is such a joy and a fabulous baby. She is already rolling over and is just amazing. We are so excited for each of her milestones and are ready for anything that comes our way. She will be just fine, we have an amazing group of friends and family who continue to pray for our angel and she will grow to prove to the world just how amazing she is.

Keep Hope Alive

This was the day before we found out that this pregnancy would be like no other. In this photo I am just over 18 weeks pregnant. We had just returned from a long vacation with the family. The next day I got a call that would shake my foundation. We tested positive for having a higher risk of carrying a child with Down Syndrome, 1/99 to be exact. This news to me was somewhat a shock, Billy on the other hand looked at it as a number of less than 1% odds, like that you would think no problem, I admired and respected his optimism. I knew, I knew at that moment I had a baby growing inside of me that was going to need extra special attention from this moment on. I was instantly in fear for the health needs and prayed that "please god let that be it, let that be the only thing my baby will be challenged with, DS we can handle DS". It was a Friday when I got the call, we were scheduled that following Monday for a level 2 ultra sound and a possible amnio. That was one of the longest weekend of my life. I tried so hard not to get worried and not to let on that I knew as to not shatter Billy's hopes and dreams. I could not hide it from him, I got on the Internet to find out what the odds of a false positive were, how they read the tests and who tests positive. With each article I grew more and more sure that we were not looking at a less than 1% chance we were looking at a 85% chance that this test was going to be accurate. Billy and I fought that night, I cried like crazy (the only time I cried with the unknown), he thought I was over reacting and that I would somehow "will" us into having problems. I was looking to him for support and to help him to understand what all these numbers meant, and to let on to him that I already knew. I did not want it to be a "shock" I wanted him to be prepared.

Monday came and we set out to Eugene, I met Billy there and we sat nervously awaiting our appointment. The first person we met with was a genetic councilor who sat down with us and explained everything I had recently learned on the Internet, and took some vital family history. She explained to us that we would be first looking at the baby for what they call soft markers, things like short or no nasal bone, thickening in the neck, brain, and heart conditions, etc. If those came back clear we had a better chance that our baby would not have DS, if they were to find soft markers we decided that it would be best to get an amnio given or increased odds, as well as one can never be too prepared.

Watching the monitor and seeing our adorable little angel doing barrel rolls and squirming so much that the ultra sound tech had a difficult time with measurements, was such a happy thing. It was a little relieving to me since I had not felt her move yet. We were told right away, it is a girl, and that brought the first set of "ok" not what we were hoping for but it is fine she will be loved regardless and now we know "god does not want us to have Billy Roy 4th". So the ultra sound continued pictures were taken. The hope's were still there for us, she did mention that the brain ventricles were enlarged but the doctor would go over that with us.

The doctor entered the room and started scanning as well, he checked out the brain and again the heart. That is when the bomb dropped. He explained to us that what we were seeing was not normal, and not what they consider to be viable fetus. He explained that there was 3 times the normal amount of fluid in and around our babies brain, he explained that the ventricles were so enlarged that IF this baby made it to term she would be totally brain dead. Then he moved onto the heart and said that the heart was defected as well, and even if the heart was operable the diagnosis of a chromosome disorder with the brain issue this baby would never be able to tolerate a surgery nor would it improve her quality of life, which they expected to be none, again if she survived. They wanted us to consider termination. They felt with the two major defects and the quad screen the most likely cause was trisomy 13 or 18. We would need an amnio to confirm. After the amnio I knew the risks of miscarriage were increased to 50%, I found myself praying that i would be in that 50%, I just wanted god to take her away so I would not have to make any decisions. How could I make a choice like that, it is not up to me, it is up to God if my baby survives. Right?

Termination, "what is this even an option?". We got the tests knowing, saying no matter what we would bring this baby into this world and love her, this was not an option, I did not think in a million years could anyone tell me anything that would even allow me to say maybe or speak the word out loud. As we walked away, that was the first thing we spoke of, lets just get it over with. They said it is inevitable right, this baby was going to die, that she had no chance of survival, and if for some reason she did she would suffer with no quality of life. So lets not delay the inevitable, we can try again.

As the shock started to wear off I started researching, I had never heard of these conditions, nor the disorders t13 or t18, I need more information, what if they are wrong. I ultimately found that 95% of babies with this disorder do not make it to term, the other 5% live 1 - 10 days. I did some reading on the enlarged ventricles and hydrocephalus, I found that depending on the cause that it can lead to catastrophic cranial enlargement, severe or total brain deterioration, or death. This was not enough for me, is there any situation where this resolves itself. I found there are several causes to this condition, two of the most common are malformation and blockage. Both of these causes can and do resolve themselves. So the next question is what caused our babies condition. I decided I would want to carry her to term or as long as possible if she had t13 or t18 so that we could say goodbye and show her as much love as possible in the moments we had with her. We got our FISH results back from the amnio 3 days later, this news I was hoping would help me to know better what to do. The FISH ruled out t13 and t18. Was this good news, I do not know, I found myself praying for this because I knew the odds of the baby survival was limited but it would be something that was inevitable and I would be able to leave in gods hands. Now we are faced with a Down Syndrome baby with severe birth defects, do we take a chance and let this baby continue to grow and just pray that the conditions are not severely debilitating or fatal or do we terminate because the prognosis is still so grim that they gave her a range of development between vegetative state and infant. Then I was told that I needed to make the decision because if we were somehow able to bring this baby into the world breathing her care would no longer be our choice. Her fate would be in the hands of doctors who might chose to prolong her life, a life with no quality, no function, no purpose, nothing but suffering. We did not want our baby to suffer. It would be pointless, it would be selfish, it would destroy us. So here we are again, back to having to make a choice. We had 8 weeks to decide, 8 weeks to allow our baby's condition to change.

Billy was grieving he had lost a child again, he knew what we had to do and had made the mental process to do it. I on the other hand had started to feel her move for the first time, she was telling me I am here, I am alive, do not give up on me. So now my focus shifted onto Down Syndrome, what are the chance and odds that the problems and defects she had are going to resolve and be ok. I needed to see our baby again, I needed someone else to see our baby and get every test imaginable. We had to wait 2 1/2 weeks before they could see us again. It was the most agonizing 2 1/2 weeks of my entire life. My mantra began "keep hope alive" I found myself telling Billy, even being angry at times with him that he was grieving a child that was still very much alive. She was inside of me moving and growing and she was with us, stop grieving she is here. We must have hope. I am not giving up HOPE.

I know my husband was so concerned for me, concerned that the more hope I had the harder the fall would be when it came time to give up. He was worried I would never be the same, I would never recover from losing a child.

During this time I prayed and prayed, I reached out to everyone I knew for prayers, "please above all just pray that I do not have to make the most profound decision I would ever have to make in my life". If it is God's will that this baby not walk with us on this earth but to be born into heaven let her go there, but please do not make me be the one to stop her beating heart.

I had everything planned from the way I would be induced to how she would be remembered. I had all arrangements made for her being blessed and having a photographer there to take pictures of our little angel. We would have casts made of her tiny hands and feet, we would have her little footprints tattooed on our bodies to carry her with us everywhere. It was so difficult to make these preparations at the same time as praying and hoping that they were wrong or that a miracle would happen. I knew I had a limited amount of time and that I wanted nothing to be forgotten nor did i want to make any decisions after "the choice" had been made.

We had our second level 2 ultra sound a week and a half before they recommended but I knew I needed a second opinion and could not sit around and wait, there had to be more clear tests that could be done anything to give me more of a concrete 100% yes this termination has to be done. I could not live with myself if I did not know 100% that I made the right choice.

Going back to the perinatologist was so somber, so scary, ten times worse than before, I just knew I was going to leave with no better of a clue as to what needed to be done. I knew they were going to say there has been no change it is still up to you.

I remember looking at the monitor and the first thing i saw was gray matter where the black fluid had previously been, I turned to billy and said "do you see that" with even more hope in my heart, he had a hard time looking. His reply was "it's going to be the heart". We watched our baby for the 45 min it took to measure every inch of her, and the what seemed like hundreds of pictures they took of her heart. The doctor finally came into the room. He looked at our baby for a few min before he spoke and what happened next is nothing short of a miracle. "well" he says, this is her right and left ventricles of her brain and it appears that they are within normal range for a child with down syndrome. WHAT!!!! come again, did you just say NORMAL????? then he moved onto her heart and without much explanation of what he saw he was pulled away by another patient. We left the exam room to a conference room where he later joined us. But before he joined us the councilor (who was somewhat stuttering)attempted to tell us how the two doctors could come away with such different diagnosis'. All the while I was thinking I "know" God is a healer, he preforms miracles, he answers prayers.

So now we are looking at a baby who has a 95% chance that she will have normal brain function, and when the doctor returns more shocking elating news. MILD at BEST!!! these are the words that he used to describe her heart. Yes it is defected and may possibly need treatment,but the prognosis was good, that the defect is very common and they will know more in a few weeks when an echo could be done.

We left the office in complete astonishment, we are going to be fine Hope is going to be fine, we do not have to make any major choices, we are going to leave it in god's hands and he will watch over us. How blessed are we? We are going to have a little angel that will touch every person she comes in contact with , we are so blessed to be given this gift. Yes it is not going to be easy but we are ready, we know god has prepared us for this moment. He has given us the strength, the perseverance, the heart to provide and care for our most precious gift.

I am now 27w 3 days. We had the echo done last week. Our little Hope has a very common condition called an AV canal defect. Essentially it is a hole in her heart that is affecting all four chambers and valves. Her heart is not pumping blood in one side out the other, it is just free flowing through the chambers. She is going to require Open Heart Surgery when she is about 3-4 months old. This is not good news for us but not unexpected. I feel so blessed so far that it is the only complication we are looking at, so far. She is continuing to gain weight in utero and all of her internal functions are good. We will need to keep praying that she thrives and is super strong. We need her to go to close to term as possible and be able to eat really good when she is born that way when she has to have the surgery she will be super strong and fight a good fight to recover with no speed bumps. I can not wait to see her little face.

I really need to be better at this!!!

I have been reading so many wonderful inspiring blogs which makes me wonder how or if my story can help or encourage or benefit anyone. I have not posted in a few years now it seams and that also seams so wrong because time must just be blowing by.

My children are growing leaps and bounds and have had so many great moments in the past couple years.

Quentin is now a Junior in high school and still the absolute light of my life, nothing like mommas little boy and the joy he brings me even if it is through a whole lot of teenage baloney. This past summer he grew into a man and just shocked us all with how handsome and mature he has gotten.



He is playing football varsity and is a total rock star, pictures to come.

Cheyanne my little big girl and has been that for some time now. She grows more and more beautiful every day. She has decided to come live with me full time and go to school close by. She has made some great new friends and is involved with lots of fun activities and sports. She seems to be very happy and well adjusted. I was worried about her for some time but she is really maturing into a lovely lady. Still a wacky wild and crazy girl but that is what being a 13 year old is all about.

Now miss Ellie, Ellie has recently started kindergarten. Kindergarten has been a major milestone for our family. Unfortunately Billy was not able to be a part of several of Jaida's milestones, kindergarten being one of them. So Ellie was his first experience with sending one of his little angels off into the big bad world. I was worried she would lose some of her innocence, she is such a sweet loving and generous little girl. So far so good, she still comes home with the wonder and amazement of each day in her eyes, and the pride that she is doing something amazing. She puts every little drawing up on display and each sketch is just another representation that she is so unique and wonderful.

Linnie, Linnie, Linnie, what can I say about Linnie. She is so wild. She is so energetic and out of this world when it comes to the things she says and does. This little girl has every person standing guard at all times. She has absolutely no fear of anything in this world. She is independent and bright as they come. The child can operate a computer or anything else she sees necessary with no explanation what so ever. Linnie has put especially her dad through a ringer I swore he has at least 3 gray hairs with her name on them. We watch this little angel with so much amazement. I think she is the smartest of the group, already knowing all her colors, letters, shapes, and numbers. She is a beast as well weighing as much as her big sister. She is the most polite and well mannered child but definitely has her own mind, when she is done she is done, when she wants something she gets it. She has put us through some challenging times. She is so stinking independent and smart she has ventured out alone on a few occasions to leave us wonder and scared to death as to where she went. So no taking this one for granted world. Ready or not.

Both of the little girls have been involved in ballet for the past couple years and are amazing talented and beautiful. They love to preform and are unstoppable.

With all these milestones and growing of our babies, it left us wondering maybe we should try for another one, maybe get the little boy Billy so desperately wanted. So in March of 2010 we decided yep it was time, one last shot and so starts an new chapter in our lives one that will bring tears, and fears, and amazing blessings.

pictures

well we are almost into august now, we will be leaving for our Reno vacation in one week. We have decided to have Linnie's party in Reno and celebrate with her Poppy and Auntie Kellie. So watch for new pics to be posted here and on our myspace pages. I got a new camera so there will be some great quality pictures being sent out soon, some of you may have already recieved some.

oh, and that is wedding cake on Linnie's face, she is always eating and it is difficult to catch her with a clean face.

mid-summer

Well it is mid summer and the weather has finally gotten nice, it has been perfect. Every evening when it starts to cool off me and the babies go to the backyard and play in the dirt with the hose. they get nice and dirty just before a bath and bedtime.

Chey and Quentin are still back east, they have been there since the 1st. I will be picking them up from the airport tomorrow. I miss them so much. I am so glad they got the opportunity to do all that they have done so far this summer.

We still have a lot more planned this summer, Jaida will be flying to Reno on the 5th where we will drive to meet her at Kellie's. I am very excited because we get to see the new baby while we are there. Bella was born on July 2nd. She is growing really fast so Kellie says, I am worried she is going to out grow my runt baby Linnie.

Linnie will be one year old next week, we do not have much planned yet. I am not sure if we are going to make a big deal out of it or if we will wait until she is old enough to understand. She is walking all over the place now, she started about a week ago taking steps alone, and standing up alone. She started doing it on the back patio, I do not think she liked the hot pavement on her knees. I is so cute though she reminds me of the scene in Bambi when he is learning to walk.

Billy's party for his definciency free survey is next week. I am so proud of him, as you all should be. He has made amazing changes in his life and is the most incredible and accomplished man I know, and he even changes diapers. I could not have dreamt of a better husband, father, or best friend. We are happier than we have ever been in our lives, it is amazing what can be accomplished when you have faith in GOD, and family.

Summer 2008

Well it is officially summer, although it has not quite gotten warm yet here in beautiful Oregon. No rain so I can not complain too much.


An update on the kiddos.

Quentin who turned 14 last April finished 8Th grade and is onto High School in the fall. I feel way too young to have a child in high school, but it is true. He finished out 8Th grade doing remarkable well I am so proud of him. So far he has spent the first few weeks of summer hanging out with his grandparents. He built a shed with his grandfather and went kyaking with his grandmother in eastern Oregon. After his travels this summer he is hoping to land some paying odd jobs.

Jaida just had her 13Th birthday and is super busy with all sorts of camps this summer. she will be with us for a couple weeks in August. It will be nice to see her, we have not seen her since spring break.

Cheyanne is 11 1/2 now and is full into the early stages of hormonal teen issues. She is much taller than me now and continues to grow every day. Cheyanne is getting her braces put on next Monday and is excited and scared at the same time. I am most worried about the payments and am praying to GOD that my other three do not need them. Chey has so far spent the first week of summer with her friends, which is her goal for her entire summer, although it probably will not be a realistic goal. Her and Quentin will be leaving in two weeks to spend some time with my family back east. They are going to Washington DC to visit all the historical sites, then they will be heading to North Carolina to check out NASCAR country, then they will be heading back up north to visit the eastern shore. I am very excited for them it will be incredible.

Miss Ellie turned three last month and boy is she a stubborn little girl. She is the most polite and generous and loving child. She has a personality that still stops me in my tracks but she has got to have things her way or no way. She loves to sing and dance and is a little comedian, she has the whole house laughing all the time. No fear of anything we have already made one trip to the ER with a huge bump on the head. She is totally potty trained and loves to be naked, it is a problem. She is finally finding time in her life to accept that she has a baby sister and I catch her every once in awhile patting her on the head or even giving her a hug. She also makes sure daddy does not forget "ninnie" before he goes to work in the morning. Ellie has plans with her friends every Friday at the park this summer, and we are looking into possibly enrolling her in preschool in the fall, she loves to learn.

Now Linnie, my beautiful little monkey. She is such a sweet happy baby. I am enjoying every moment that she is. I have learned that they grow up too fast and in a blink of an eye it is over. I do not want to miss out or rush any milestone. She is doing great she sings and dances. She plays pat-a-cake and does it great. She is eating pretty much anything she gets her hands on (not always food) , but is refusing to drink from a cup. I will be weening her in the next few months. She will be one on the 23rd of next month. She is 17 1/2 pounds and 24in tall. She is starting to take steps but I am not ready. And I have not seen a baby love her daddy more. She just clings to him every time she sees him.

So you might say "what about you and Billy, what are you up too?". well i would have to say as little as possible. We spent the first week apart, Billy went to Sparks to visit his sister and brought back Justin. I spent the first week shopping for summer clothes and sewing dresses for my mothers upcoming nuptials this weekend. We are hoping to spend some time with friends maybe host a couple BBQ's and at the end of the summer take the kids to a resort up in Washington. I am sure Billy will spend a lot of time watching baseball in our only air conditioned room. We hope to have a relaxing enjoyable time. Thanks for asking.

I hope you all have a safe and happy summer, much love the Scott's.

lets get this started

so here I sit distracted by the www and all the while my babies are making messes around me. I feel so unproductive, yet I do this because as a parent and a member of a somewhat large family I fail to stay in communication with those I love. so in the theme of keepin' up with the turner's and new mom Mary who continues to make me look bad (jk) I will try this fun way to let all who are interested just how fantastic my not so little group is doing. I hope all who take the time to read will enjoy.